If You Are Somewhere, Be There
At the commencement ceremony for my master's degree, Sister Thomas Welder, president of the University of Mary, gave this advice to us graduates, "If you are somewhere, be there."
That was nearly 20 years ago, before the opportunities to distract ourselves grew exponentially, but I have always remembered what she said.
What, exactly, did she mean by this? I took it to mean be fully present in the moment, give your undivided attention, listen, hear what is being said. It's monotasking, rather than multitasking. It's being intentional. It's being focused and engaged in what you're doing. Being active vs. passive.
Nowadays there are so many things vying for our attention that we are in a permanent state of distraction. Texts, pop-ups on the computer, emails, feeds, app notifications, advertisements. Here's an idea - take one hour and notice how many times you allow yourself to be pulled away from what you're doing - it will astonish you.
For a while multitasking was worn like a badge of honor, but the truth is it's a myth. You might feel more productive and connected, but in actuality you are less of both of these things. We are also often our own worst enemy - have you ever picked up your phone and scrolled through social media without even realizing you're doing it? That's passive distraction and it takes deliberate action if we want to resist it.
So what's a person to do? Like any habit change, it requires awareness, action, and commitment. Notice the distractions and shut them down, refocus, and set boundaries. Here are some suggestions:
Turn the phone off (gasp! Okay, start with setting the Do Not Disturb);
When you're meeting with someone in a work capacity, close your email, shut the lid to the computer, sit at a table (or the screen) and talk to each other;
Practice this phrase, “I’m sorry, I can’t right now. I’m busy”;
In a personal setting, put the phone away. Genuinely engage with the person you're with and ask them questions;
Actually, really, listen to people. You know the old saying about conversation, are you listening, or waiting to talk? Most people are the latter, but the former is much more rewarding.
I think what Sister Thomas was really telling us is that life is much more fulfilling when you are actively living it. "Somewhere" might be literal - you're at work, you're at an event - or it might be figurative, like your role as a parent, or a spouse. Whatever your “somewhere” is, recognize it, and make a point to be there.